When the man in the street says: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it," the lawyer writes: "Insofar as manifestations of functional deficiencies are agreed by any and all concerned parties to be imperceivable, and are so stipulated, it is incumbent upon said heretofore mentioned parties to exercise the deferment of otherwise pertinent maintenance procedures."

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was  tucking her small boy into bed.  She was about to turn off the  light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"  The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.  "I can't  dear,"  she said.  "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:  "The big sissy."

Jay went to a psychiatrist. “Doc, he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it. I get under the bed; I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, under top. I’m going crazy!” “Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink. “Come to me three times a week and I’ll cure you.” “How much do you charge?” “Five hundred kwacha per visit.” “I’ll think about it.” Jay never went back. Some time later he met the doctor on the street. “Why didn’t you ever come to see me again? Asked the psychiatrist. “For five hundred buck a visit? A bartender cured me for 50 kwacha.” “Is that so! How?” “He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”

Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"